Once again, I am so sorry for not posting in forever! Life has been crazy as usual. Most of the time I write my posts late at night (I think my brain works best then/it's quiet, and I can think). The problem with this is I tend to fall asleep before I can finish my posts or even get to them. Anyways, I am going to try to do a better job in Chicago! I can't believe it's almost here! I will be in Chicago in one week! It's just crazy to think that after all this time, I'm finally getting to go! I've waited three years for this. God knows I have been less than patient in my waiting, and at times frustrated and confused. However, I trust that my waiting has a purpose, and I have learned a lot over the past three years! I think one of the hardest things in life is waiting. It's especially difficult in this fast paced society where instant gratification is expected. Most of you probably don't know how I ended up here, waiting. I want to share my story with you because I think it's important, and I hope that God will be glorified through it.
Warning: I'm going to "fast forward" through some stuff, and I hope that it won't be too confusing!
It all started when I was growing up. I grew up in the church, and a good one at that. I was involved in everything (sounds familiar...). Anyways, I remember this one time when I was in Team Kids (way back in the day), I think I might've been in fourth grade, and we watched some movie or show, and it talked about missionaries. I was fascinated. I remember telling everyone that I wanted to be a missionary someday (I don't know if my family remembers this or not because I didn't even remember this until recently). So fast forward to high school. Now I wasn't a "bad" kid... I was considered to be a "good" kid. I knew all the Sunday school answers, I went to church, I didn't do things that were considered to be "bad", but something was missing. I knew that going to church didn't make me a Christian and wouldn't save me. I knew that I could never be good enough, and I was stubborn. I had known all of this for a long time, but I still hadn't given my life to Christ. Why? I'm not really sure. I think what held me back for a long time was my anger and lack of trust in God. I'll make this the short version for now, because this is a whole different story in itself... Anyways, in seventh grade I was diagnosed with a very rare and serious blood disorder. My immune system was too low for me to be in school, and around a lot of people. I stayed home, out of school, church, dance, away from friends, etc. from November of seventh grade, all the way until I went back to school in eighth grade. So it ended up being about nine or ten months that I was at home. But like I said, this is another story, so I am going to fast forward through a lot of it. As a middle schooler/new teenager, I was so angry with God. I blamed Him for my disease, and wondered how/why He would let that happen to me. I struggled with this for a long time. So back to high school, my life is more normal at this point, but still something is missing. In summer 2005, after my freshmen year of high school I went to a summer camp with the youth group from church. I remember feeling kind of anxious about camp because I knew that God was going to get ahold of me. Sure enough, Tuesday night came, and we all went into the auditorium for worship and then a message. The message that night was on the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), one I had heard countless times before, but this time it was different. God grabbed hold of my heart, and showed me that I am just as much a sinner as any of the "bad" kids. That I am no better than anyone else, and I needed someone to rescue me. That night, July 19, 2005, I asked Jesus into my heart to be my Lord and Savior. That was the best decision of my life. Now things didn't all of a sudden turn out like a fairytale, with everything being magically fixed. Life was still life, and things weren't perfect. However, I knew that God was faithful, and I trusted that He had a plan for me. So fast forward a few years... Still in high school, probably about junior year I became aware of a cause called Invisible Children. Basically Invisible Children started when three guys from California traveled to Africa with a camera in 2003. They ended up in northern Uganda, where they witnessed and heard many stories of horror from the children there. In case you weren't aware, Uganda has been devastated by conflict. Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), and has committed all kinds of crimes against humanity, including murdering thousands of people, and displacing millions. This has been going on for over 23 years... Joseph Kony started out abducting children, and forcing them to become soldiers in his army. Entire generations have grown up never knowing peace, and have been witness/victim to countless atrocities. I don't want to go off on another tangent, so if you'd like to know more, check out Invisible Children's website or talk to me! This however is an important part of my journey. After learning more about Uganda, I had a desire to one day go on a mission trip there. My heart broke for the people, the children there. So fast forward to summer of 2008... I had just graduated high school, and I was going on a mission trip to NYC with the youth group at church. This was going to be my first "real" mission trip, and I was so excited. Like everything else, there are many stories that go along with this trip, but I am just trying to give you a brief glimpse of how I ended up here. We were in NYC for a week, and I fell in love. I loved serving the people there. A lot of times it broke my heart, but it was amazing. After coming back from NYC, I knew that I wanted to go on a "big" (more than a week or two) summer mission trip. At this point in time, I still had my heart set on Uganda. I remember fall semester of my freshmen year of college, and how I would spend hours and hours on my computer researching different mission trips. I think by Christmas time I had found an organization that I wanted to go to Uganda with. I told my parents I wanted to go for a month or two, and they were not too thrilled. Also, there was a slight problem in the fact that my health prevented me from being able to get all the immunizations I needed to go there. I think I was in denial or something because I still kept thinking that I was going to go to Uganda. So summer rolled around, and I didn't go on any mission trips. I was pretty bummed, but I figured I would just go the next summer. Well sophomore year came, and I guess I came to my senses. I had also loved NYC all this time, so I gave up trying to go to Uganda, and decided on NYC. I had to research even more this time, and I was having a lot of trouble finding a trip where you could go as an individual, but be apart of a group there, and stay for more than a week. Eventually I found Campus Crusade for Christ's Summer Projects. I found a mission trip to NYC working in the inner city for five weeks, and it seemed perfect. It was a little pricey, but NYC is expensive! I told my parents about my new idea, and they were a little more supportive since it was in the U.S., and not Africa. I was sure that this was going to be my mission trip, and that I was going to go that coming summer (2010). However, my parents thought that I should wait because that coming summer wouldn't be the best time to go. At this point I was already holding bake sales, etc. to raise money. So what do you know, but that next summer rolled around, just like the last, and I didn't go on the mission trip. So fast forward to this past fall, my junior year. We have an event at UMHB every fall called Missions Emphasis Week (MEW) where missions is the focus. Missionaries come from all over the world to speak with students, and to share their experiences/knowledge. I always loved MEW, and I had scoped it out for the previous two years. Anyways, I got a list of the missionaries that were going to be at MEW, and their bios, and one jumped out at me. There was a lady coming who had worked with Campus Crusade in NYC, and it turns out that she didn't live far from UMHB. I emailed her right away, and told her that I was very interested in going on Campus Crusade's summer project to NYC, and that I would love to talk to her. Of course she emailed me back, and we set up a time to meet during MEW. Now right before MEW, probably a week or two, Campus Crusade updated their Summer Project website with the new projects for this summer (2011). Now the NYC project had five different tracts (sections), and for some reason the inner city one wasn't showing up. I thought they must've left it off on accident, or something was wrong with the website. So fast forward, back to MEW... I met with this lady, and we began talking. I ended up finding out that they were not going to have that section of the NYC project this summer. I was devastated. First Uganda, now NYC. I was slowly starting to lose hope. She told me that a few other major cities had inner city summer projects (which I already knew from my research). She suggested that I look into the Chicago inner city project, especially since a majority of the work is with kids/youth. Now back when I decided on the NYC project, Chicago was my second choice... Funny, huh? After talking with this lady (for over an hour), I was beyond excited, even though I now had confirmation that the NYC project was a no go for the summer. I was really excited about Chicago though, and immediately I told my family about it. Of course my parents suggested that I wait another summer, so then I might be able to go to NYC. I didn't think that was practical at all. If I waited another summer I would be done with college. Graduated. Looking for a job. Plus, there was no guarantee that the project would happen if I waited any longer. I decided that this was my time to go, and that God had closed many doors, and opened another. I applied for the Chicago inner city project in December, and I felt at peace. Then I found out in February that I had been accepted! I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe I was actually going to get to go! Now it's a week away, and I am still in utter shock! My time waiting is almost done. Soon I will be in Chicago. What a sweet, sweet thought! I know this has been a really, really long post (and I hope you didn't get too lost or confused), but I felt that it was important to share my journey so far with you. I hope that you will be encouraged if you are waiting. Know that God is faithful, and that His timing is perfect. Trust me, there were times when I was frustrated, confused, upset, angry, etc., but God was constant and consistent. Also, I learned so much that I wouldn't have learned any other way. God shattered my dreams, my plans, and gave me His. I do seem to remember praying for that now... Anyways, know that you are not alone in your waiting. God is still faithful, and he has good things in store. We just have to be patient enough to wait and see. I know that God is going to do amazing things in Chicago this summer, and I am so thankful that He's chosen to use me, and allow me to be apart of it. Ask me at the end of the summer if the waiting was worth it!
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14 (NIV)
"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25 (NIV)
P.S. - I would highly recommend keeping a prayer journal! I quickly looked through my prayer journal from a few years ago, and I am kind of in awe right now... God has answered so many of my prayers! I felt compelled to share this... An excerpt from my entry on October 19, 2009 says, "Lord, I really want to glorify you! You gave me desires to work with inner city children for a reason Lord, and I know you will put me where I am supposed to be!" If you didn't know, most of the project will be focused on working with inner city kids/youth! What a great and mighty God I serve! I am so thankful that I serve a living and active God!
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