Living and loving, Chicago...

Hello again!  I'm sorry that I always get behind on updating!  I wanted to update at least once a week, but so far that hasn't worked out!  Please bear with me, as I am trying to update as often as I can!

So I left off about two weeks ago, just about to start ministry here in Chicago!  First, I should tell you about my ministry team...  We decided our team named would be Ahuva, which is Hebrew for beloved.  We also decided on a team verse, which is 1 John 4:11-12 (ESV): "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love on another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."  We want to show God's love to Chicago this summer, and that starts with us loving each other!  I am so excited about how God is going to use our team!

Our first week of ministry was at Pacific Garden Mission.  It was amazing!  Pacific Garden Mission has been here in Chicago for 134 years, which is truly amazing!  They don't accept any kind of government funding, and they have never closed, even for a day (and they have moved from their original location)!  Talk about God's provision!  PGM is doing a lot of really great things!  They are meeting people's basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, etc.), and sharing God's love through it all!  Some lyrics just popped into my head... "our most basic need is to be ransomed by Jesus" (check out Trip Lee's song "The Invasion (Hero)" for that)!  Anyways, I was really encouraged through the people at PGM, and I really enjoyed building relationships with them!  We mostly worked in the kitchen, setting up for lunch and dinner, serving lunch, and cleaning up afterwards.  We also did a lot of detail cleaning in the afternoons, mostly on doors.  PGM has a year long Bible program that both men and women can join, and we got to work with a lot of guys from the Bible program.  They were all really nice guys, and many of them shared their life stories and wisdom with us!  Our coordinator was a guy that had graduated from the Bible program about five or six years ago, and is now working at PGM!  He is an amazing man!  He shared with us how his life had been transformed, and also a lot of really good wisdom.  There were two things that really stuck with me...  First, he said, "A butterfly can never become a caterpillar again!"  This immediately reminded me of one of my previous posts ("Give Me Your Eyes"), where I talked about us being transformed like butterflies!  Once we are a new creation in Christ, a butterfly, we can never become our old self, a caterpillar, again!  Praise the Lord!  I don't know why, but this just really stuck with me!  Another thing that really stuck with me was a story he shared about how poachers catch monkeys.  The poachers will put a shiny object inside a jar, and the monkey is immediately drawn to the shine and glimmer of the object.  The monkey will go down, and try to remove the object from the jar, and once the poachers hear this commotion, they know they can move in, and get the monkey.  The monkey will continue to hold onto that shiny object, even though it could let go of it, and freely escape from the poachers.  We are just like these monkeys...  We are drawn to "shiny objects" and we often refuse to let go of them, even when we have "poachers" creeping in on us.  We could be free, but usually we chose to cling to our "shiny objects" instead.  This story was like a smack in the face.  What "shiny objects" am I clinging to?  Why would I hold onto them when I could be free if I'd just let go?  I learned so much about God at PGM whether it was through sweeping the floor, cleaning door jams, setting out napkins and utensils, conversing with people, etc.  I am so thankful for the relationships that were built, and the lessons that were learned there!!

Next we worked at a block party that Ms. Pearl was hosting (I mentioned her in my previous post)!  Ms. Pearl is an amazing woman of God!  She runs a daycare for children of teen moms, so they can finish their education, and make a better future for themselves and their child(ren)!  The block party was awesome!  A lot of people from the community came out, and it seemed like they had a great time!  We gave out lots of cartoon tracts, made gospel bead bracelets, and shared the hope and love of Jesus with them!  Something that I thought was kind of funny/interesting was that our security for the event were drug dealers!  But really they were the best security we could've had because they know a lot of people, and they know who the troublemakers are.  We didn't have any safety/security problems at the event, so they did their job well!

The next day we had a free car wash in the same neighborhood as the block party!  We were broken up into three teams, and rotated through the stations we had (advertising/drying, car washing, and evangelism).  We had snacks, and places for people to sit under tents, while their car was being washed!  This was our opportunity to talk to people, and try to share the Gospel with them!  I got to talk to a few people, which was really great!  One of the ladies I talked to basically told me her life story, and we talked for about 45 minutes!  Something I have learned is that if you're willing to listen to people, they are usually willing to talk!  When I was at the car washing station, towards the end of the car wash, a lady got out of her car and asked me, "Why are you having a free car wash?"  Now when we said free car wash, we meant FREE!  We would not accept donations or anything!  It was really interesting to see how people responded to something actually being completely free.  Anyways, I told this lady that we were having a free car wash to show the community that God loves them, and we love them.  She was so thankful and excited that she gave me a hug!  The car wash was an awesome experience, and people were able to hear about God's love, and that Jesus died for them!

For the second week of ministry my team worked at Edgewater Baptist Church helping at day camp!  The theme for the day camp was "Chi-town Playground", so each group was exploring different things about Chicago, and God's love!  I was with Pre-K/Kindergarten, which was a lot of fun!  The kids were very energetic and excited!  They were learning about different cultures and people in Chicago, so for this first week, they focused on China and Chinatown!  On Tuesday night, back at our dorm, we were surprised during our meeting time to find out that we would be doing a poverty simulation.  We had five minutes to get three possession we wanted to bring with us.  None of us really knew what was going on/what we were getting into.  We were then driven to a church, and we got a little more explanation of what was going on.  We had simulation money, and some people ended up being parents, meaning they had to carry around a baby doll with them everywhere they went.  There were also "reality checks", which happened randomly.  In these reality checks people would have to pay money or they would lose possessions, etc.  We slept on concrete in a parking garage, and we had limited access to food, water, bathrooms, etc.  You also had to carry all your things with you wherever you went, and we were still going to ministry sites.  I ended up getting really sick (I'll spare you the details) on Wednesday night (the day after we started the poverty simulation), and I had to go back to the dorm.  I missed out on everything on Thursday (ministry site, the rest of the poverty simulation, meetings, etc.) because I was recovering!  I was really bummed to miss out, but I had no control over the situation, and it was important that I recovered, so I wouldn't be out for longer!  The poverty simulation was probably one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever gone through, but it was a great experience.  On Friday we were given the whole morning to reflect/process through the poverty simulation.  We went out to Navy Pier, which was beautiful, but it was very windy/cold because a storm was coming through!  I really enjoyed having time to reflect and process, and God definitely showed me a lot!

Later on Friday I had to fly out for my grandma's (mom's mom) 90th birthday celebration/family reunion!  The weekend flew by, but it was great to see some of my family that I don't get to see very often!  I came back on Sunday, and it was one of my team member's birthdays, so we all went out to dinner to celebrate!  When we were walking back to our dorm, the sky was absolutely beautiful!  We all stopped to take pictures (though they didn't do it justice)!!  God reminded me that there is beauty to be found here in this city!

Today is the fourth of July, Independence Day!  I hope that today you will remember that freedom isn't free!  It comes at a cost!  Please be thinking of all of our military who are fighting to protect our freedom! If you have served/are serving our country, thank you!  Please be praying for the military and their families today!  They sacrifice so much for us!  Also, remember the biggest sacrifice that was made for you...  Jesus dying on the cross.  Jesus died for you.  To free you from your sins.  In Him and Him alone is true freedom found!  I am so thankful for the freedom I have found in Him!

"You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."  Romans 6:18 (NIV)

Chicago, in the beginning...

This is my first blog post from Chicago!!  I don’t have a lot of time to blog, but I am going to try my best to update when I can!  I am probably only going to be able to give the highlights, so here it goes…

Thursday:  I arrived in Chicago (very early)!  I was the first student to get here, and most of the students didn’t get in until the late afternoon/early evening.  The staff is great though, so I mostly just hung out with them until the other students got here.  So Thursday was just kind of getting to know people/moving into the dorm!

Friday:  We were broken up into two teams and we (the students) had to complete a scavenger hunt around Chicago in an allotted amount of time.  It was fun, but also kind of challenging!

Saturday:  We were broken up into two teams (different than the teams on Friday), and went to explore different ethnic neighborhoods.  My team went to North Lawndale and La Villita ("Little Village").  We ate at a restaurant in La Villita, and it was really good!  Our waiter made us a drink to try called Tepache, which is kind of like a pineapple cider.  He also gave us some free Mexican candy!  It was fun getting to explore the neighborhoods!

Sunday:  We went to church at Jesus People USA, which was a neat experience!  We were then split into partners (1 guy and 1 girl) for a "listening lunch."  We were supposed to find someone who looked like they might be hungry, and then ask them if we could buy them lunch, and hear their story.  My partner and I found a man digging through a trash can, and he agreed to go to lunch with us.  It was a very interesting experience!  The man had some mental illnesses, and he wasn't always coherent, so it was kind of hard to follow what he was trying to tell us.  My partner asked him if he had any plans or anything he wanted to do in the future, and the man replied, "Survive, and die in my sleep in a nice, warm bed."  My heart broke.  This man was simply trying to make it, and it broke my heart knowing that all he really desires is a nice, warm bed, and for his life to end painlessly.  This man was also trying to overcome some addictions, which is never an easy task.  All we could do is offer compassion and prayer, which hardly seemed like enough.  There were many other instances this day when my heart broke for the people of this city.  When we were walking to meet up with the rest of our group, we came across a woman and her son.  She was holding a cardboard sign, and honestly I don't even know what it said.  Her son was sitting on her lap, and my heart broke for this mother and her son.  The little boy turned out to be four years old, and he was adorable!  We gave them some granola bars, but once again, it didn't seem like enough.  Later that night our group ventured to the Blues Festival to get something to eat for dinner.  You had to buy tickets in order to buy the food.  A man was sitting on his walker asking people if they had leftover tickets.  One of my teammates gave him the one ticket we had leftover.  Everyone was sitting kind of off to the side in the grass, finishing their food, and my heart was breaking for this man.  I gathered up all the granola bars that we had left, and went over to the man.  While I was walking up to him, he asked if I had any extra tickets, and I said, "No, but I have some granola bars, will that work?!", to which he replied, "Food is food", and then took them.  Again, it seemed like it wasn't enough.  It's hard for me to see people who are so desperate, and hopeless.  It breaks my heart, and I wish there was more I could do.  It also makes me feel kind of guilty that I get to sleep in a warm bed, and eat three meals a day.  There is so much injustice in this world, but I am thankful that I serve a just God!

Monday:  We went to the campus of UIC to do an outreach.  Basically we went around with a partner, and asked students if they would be willing to answer a few questions for a survey.  The survey was about spiritual things, which we told the students up front.  At the end of the survey we could ask to go through a tract with them if they so desired.  My partner and I surveyed seven people.  Two girls took tracts to read on their own later, and I am praying that they did.  The last guy we surveyed talked with us for almost an hour, and we actually had the chance to go through the tract with him.  It was a little frustrating because it seemed that no matter how clearly we tried to explain things, he just wasn't getting it.  He had the belief that if you were good enough it would make up for any bad things, and you'd get to go to Heaven.  We left the tract with him, and I pray that he begins to grasp the weight of his sin, and how he needs Jesus.  The thing about evangelism is we don't always get to be the reapers of the harvest.  Sometimes we are planting seeds or watering them, and that's okay.

Tuesday:  We got the chance to go to Lawndale as a group, and meet with a man named Wayne Gordon (known as "Coach"), who wrote a book we had to read before coming to project called, "Real Hope in Chicago."  The book is really good, and it was neat to get to see some of the things that were talked about in the book!  Lawndale Community Church was founded by Coach, and the church started a multitude of ministries, that are still growing to this day.

Wednesday:  Was a free day, but it was raining off and on all day.  I didn't do much other than sleep in, go out to eat with a few people, go to Target, and then come back to the dorm.  Our whole group met at Navy Pier in the evening to go on a boat ride.  It was a pirate themed ride, but it was raining really hard for part of it, and was pretty cold.  It was still fun though, and I got some really cool pictures!  They also had fireworks later that night, which were awesome!

The clouds were really low...

Skyline cleared up a little...

Part of Navy Pier/downtown...

Thursday:  We mostly did children's ministry training, and we got to hear the testimony of a really amazing lady named Ms. Pearl.  We also found out our ministries teams for this summer!!  It was kind of cool because they had cut up two postcards into puzzle pieces and written each of our names on a piece.  After everyone got their piece, we had to put the postcards together, and that's how you found out who was on your team.  There are eight students on the project (4 girls and 4 guys), so there are two ministry teams with four people each (2 girls and 2 guys).  Each person on the team has a different job, and I am the "Devotions Coordinator", which basically means I am in charge of the devotions for my team everyday.  I am really excited for all that God has in store for me and my team this summer!!  Later we had Indian food for dinner with the Bridges project that is here in Chicago.  Now if you know me, I am not adventuresome when it comes to food, and I was kind of scared to eat Indian food.  It ended up being okay, but it's not something I would ever have a desire to eat again.  After dinner we had a panel of three guys from different cultures/backgrounds that talked with us about cross-cultural ministry.  We have been learning a lot about it since it will be very applicable to our ministry this summer!

Friday:  We got to tour Pacific Garden Mission, which is a really neat place!  It was also cool because that's the first ministry site that my team will be working at!  After the tour, we left and went to Moody Bible Institute, where a professor talked to us about urban ministry, and God's heart for the poor.  After getting back to our dorm we went over to IIT's campus and prayer walked for a little while.  We then had women's dinner/fellowship time (and the men had their own), which was awesome!!  It was really refreshing, and amazing to see how God has worked in each of their lives!

Saturday:  Was our team building day, so we first went to a camp to do some low ropes.  I ended up injuring myself during one of the activities (I got really bad rope burn on my finger/hand), so that was a bummer!  I actually felt kind of defeated because I couldn't finish that activity or do all of the next one.  There were also a ton of mosquitoes everywhere, and we all had on a bug spray, but it didn't matter!  I got eaten alive, so that wasn't very fun!  I was thankful to get back to the dorm and shower!  I did learn a lot about myself and the other students through the team building though!  That night we had a social at the "beach", which was pretty fun!  It was kind of chilly, but we got to make s'mores!!  We also go to see the fireworks that were out at Navy Pier (again)!!

Sunday (today):  Today my team went to Lawndale Community Church, which was a neat experience!  They had a guy who shared one of his original raps, which was really awesome!  Later tonight we are having a commissioning ceremony, and each of our teams will share our team name and goal for the summer!  I am so excited to see how God is going to use all of us!!

Our orientation week is finally over!  I learned sooooo much, but it was also exhausting!  We had trainings and meetings everyday (which I didn't talk much about in the highlights), so we were busy!!  I am so excited to finally start serving with the ministries!!  As I wrap this post up, I pray that you would be reminded of God's love today (as it is Father's day)!  We have a Heavenly Father who loves us so much that he sent his one and only son, Jesus to die for us.  God loves you, and he wants a relationship with you.  If you don't know Him, I pray that you would come to know Him, and that you would experience his perfect love.  Whether you've had an earthly father who loved you or not, you will always have a Heavenly Father who loves you so much more than you could ever imagine.

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.'"  John 14:6

The wait is over!!!

This is my last post from Texas for the next two months!!  I can hardly believe that I am going to be in Chicago later today!!  If you've read my previous post then you know it's been a long wait, but right now it seems like I haven't waited long at all!  I am actually feeling a lot of mixed emotions...  I am excited to finally be going!  I am anxious for what God has in store!  I am nervous about being in a new environment with people I have never met!  I am worried that I'm not prepared!  I am scared that I'm going to fail...  I am just depending on God to get me through!  I know He is faithful, and He has good things in store!  This summer is going to be an amazing experience!   I know I am going to be pushed out of my comfort zone (that will start in a few hours...), I am going to learn a lot, grow a lot, be challenged, be encouraged, and much, much more.  Honestly, I am just overwhelmed right now.  I still have lots of packing to do (go figure), and I just don't feel prepared...  I really can't believe today is the day!  It has been a long wait, and now that it's finally here I'm just in disbelief!  I'm sorry if this post isn't very cohesive!  My heart and mind are kind of a jumbled mess right now.  There are really no adequate words to describe what I'm thinking/feeling right now!  I am just praying that above all, God would be glorified this summer!  I am so thankful that He's chosen to use me in Chicago this summer!  It's very humbling when I think about how unworthy I am, and yet He chose me.  Something I have learned during this process is that as long as your willing, God will use you.  It doesn't matter what qualifications, skills, abilities, etc. you have or don't have, He will use you!  There are many examples in the Bible where God chooses to use people who are not considered to be the most qualified, skilled, able, etc. for the job, but he equips them with everything they need and works through them!  God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary (I'm not sure who the credit belongs to on this quote)!  I am just an ordinary person who chose to follow God to Chicago this summer, and I'm praying that He would do extraordinary things, as only He can!  I wish I could write more, but I feel like this post is all over the place, and I need to finish packing!

Here are some prayer requests:
-  Safe travel (I'll be flying in less than four hours from now)
-  Energy/stamina (I didn't go to sleep)
-  Boldness/courage
-  Unity for the team I will be joining
-  That God would remove my doubts and fears

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Wait...

Once again, I am so sorry for not posting in forever!  Life has been crazy as usual.  Most of the time I write my posts late at night (I think my brain works best then/it's quiet, and I can think).  The problem with this is I tend to fall asleep before I can finish my posts or even get to them.  Anyways, I am going to try to do a better job in Chicago!  I can't believe it's almost here!  I will be in Chicago in one week!  It's just crazy to think that after all this time, I'm finally getting to go!  I've waited three years for this.  God knows I have been less than patient in my waiting, and at times frustrated and confused.  However, I trust that my waiting has a purpose, and I have learned a lot over the past three years!  I think one of the hardest things in life is waiting.  It's especially difficult in this fast paced society where instant gratification is expected.  Most of you probably don't know how I ended up here, waiting.  I want to share my story with you because I think it's important, and I hope that God will be glorified through it.

Warning:  I'm going to "fast forward" through some stuff, and I hope that it won't be too confusing!
It all started when I was growing up.  I grew up in the church, and a good one at that.  I was involved in everything (sounds familiar...).  Anyways, I remember this one time when I was in Team Kids (way back in the day), I think I might've been in fourth grade, and we watched some movie or show, and it talked about missionaries.  I was fascinated.  I remember telling everyone that I wanted to be a missionary someday (I don't know if my family remembers this or not because I didn't even remember this until recently).  So fast forward to high school.  Now I wasn't a "bad" kid...  I was considered to be a "good" kid.  I knew all the Sunday school answers, I went to church, I didn't do things that were considered to be "bad", but something was missing.  I knew that going to church didn't make me a Christian and wouldn't save me.  I knew that I could never be good enough, and I was stubborn.  I had known all of this for a long time, but I still hadn't given my life to Christ.  Why?  I'm not really sure.  I think what held me back for a long time was my anger and lack of trust in God.  I'll make this the short version for now, because this is a whole different story in itself...  Anyways, in seventh grade I was diagnosed with a very rare and serious blood disorder.  My immune system was too low for me to be in school, and around a lot of people.  I stayed home, out of school, church, dance, away from friends, etc. from November of seventh grade, all the way until I went back to school in eighth grade.  So it ended up being about nine or ten months that I was at home.  But like I said, this is another story, so I am going to fast forward through a lot of it.  As a middle schooler/new teenager, I was so angry with God.  I blamed Him for my disease, and wondered how/why He would let that happen to me.  I struggled with this for a long time.  So back to high school, my life is more normal at this point, but still something is missing.  In summer 2005, after my freshmen year of high school I went to a summer camp with the youth group from church.  I remember feeling kind of anxious about camp because I knew that God was going to get ahold of me.  Sure enough, Tuesday night came, and we all went into the auditorium for worship and then a message.  The message that night was on the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), one I had heard countless times before, but this time it was different.  God grabbed hold of my heart, and showed me that I am just as much a sinner as any of the "bad" kids.  That I am no better than anyone else, and I needed someone to rescue me.  That night, July 19, 2005, I asked Jesus into my heart to be my Lord and Savior.  That was the best decision of my life.  Now things didn't all of a sudden turn out like a fairytale, with everything being magically fixed.  Life was still life, and things weren't perfect.  However, I knew that God was faithful, and I trusted that He had a plan for me.  So fast forward a few years...  Still in high school, probably about junior year I became aware of a cause called Invisible Children.  Basically Invisible Children started when three guys from California traveled to Africa with a camera in 2003.  They ended up in northern Uganda, where they witnessed and heard many stories of horror from the children there.  In case you weren't aware, Uganda has been devastated by conflict.  Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), and has committed all kinds of crimes against humanity, including murdering thousands of people, and displacing millions.  This has been going on for over 23 years...  Joseph Kony started out abducting children, and forcing them to become soldiers in his army.  Entire generations have grown up never knowing peace, and have been witness/victim to countless atrocities.  I don't want to go off on another tangent, so if you'd like to know more, check out Invisible Children's website or talk to me!  This however is an important part of my journey.  After learning more about Uganda, I had a desire to one day go on a mission trip there.  My heart broke for the people, the children there.  So fast forward to summer of 2008...  I had just graduated high school, and I was going on a mission trip to NYC with the youth group at church.  This was going to be my first "real" mission trip, and I was so excited.  Like everything else, there are many stories that go along with this trip, but I am just trying to give you a brief glimpse of how I ended up here.  We were in NYC for a week, and I fell in love.  I loved serving the people there.  A lot of times it broke my heart, but it was amazing.  After coming back from NYC, I knew that I wanted to go on a "big" (more than a week or two) summer mission trip.  At this point in time, I still had my heart set on Uganda.  I remember fall semester of my freshmen year of college, and how I would spend hours and hours on my computer researching different mission trips.  I think by Christmas time I had found an organization that I wanted to go to Uganda with.  I told my parents I wanted to go for a month or two, and they were not too thrilled.  Also, there was a slight problem in the fact that my health prevented me from being able to get all the immunizations I needed to go there.  I think I was in denial or something because I still kept thinking that I was going to go to Uganda.  So summer rolled around, and I didn't go on any mission trips.  I was pretty bummed, but I figured I would just go the next summer.  Well sophomore year came, and I guess I came to my senses.  I had also loved NYC all this time, so I gave up trying to go to Uganda, and decided on NYC.  I had to research even more this time, and I was having a lot of trouble finding a trip where you could go as an individual, but be apart of a group there, and stay for more than a week.  Eventually I found Campus Crusade for Christ's Summer Projects.  I found a mission trip to NYC working in the inner city for five weeks, and it seemed perfect.  It was a little pricey, but NYC is expensive!  I told my parents about my new idea, and they were a little more supportive since it was in the U.S., and not Africa.  I was sure that this was going to be my mission trip, and that I was going to go that coming summer (2010).  However, my parents thought that I should wait because that coming summer wouldn't be the best time to go.  At this point I was already holding bake sales, etc. to raise money.  So what do you know, but that next summer rolled around, just like the last, and I didn't go on the mission trip.  So fast forward to this past fall, my junior year.  We have an event at UMHB every fall called Missions Emphasis Week (MEW) where missions is the focus.  Missionaries come from all over the world to speak with students, and to share their experiences/knowledge.  I always loved MEW, and I had scoped it out for the previous two years.  Anyways, I got a list of the missionaries that were going to be at MEW, and their bios, and one jumped out at me.  There was a lady coming who had worked with Campus Crusade in NYC, and it turns out that she didn't live far from UMHB.  I emailed her right away, and told her that I was very interested in going on Campus Crusade's summer project to NYC, and that I would love to talk to her.  Of course she emailed me back, and we set up a time to meet during MEW.  Now right before MEW, probably a week or two, Campus Crusade updated their Summer Project website with the new projects for this summer (2011).  Now the NYC project had five different tracts (sections), and for some reason the inner city one wasn't showing up.  I thought they must've left it off on accident, or something was wrong with the website.  So fast forward, back to MEW...  I met with this lady, and we began talking. I ended up finding out that they were not going to have that section of the NYC project this summer.  I was devastated.  First Uganda, now NYC.  I was slowly starting to lose hope.  She told me that a few other major cities had inner city summer projects (which I already knew from my research).  She suggested that I look into the Chicago inner city project, especially since a majority of the work is with kids/youth.  Now back when I decided on the NYC project, Chicago was my second choice...  Funny, huh?  After talking with this lady (for over an hour), I was beyond excited, even though I now had confirmation that the NYC project was a no go for the summer.  I was really excited about Chicago though, and immediately I told my family about it.  Of course my parents suggested that I wait another summer, so then I might be able to go to NYC.  I didn't think that was practical at all.  If I waited another summer I would be done with college.  Graduated.  Looking for a job.  Plus, there was no guarantee that the project would happen if I waited any longer.  I decided that this was my time to go, and that God had closed many doors, and opened another.  I applied for the Chicago inner city project in December, and I felt at peace.  Then I found out in February that I had been accepted!  I was ecstatic.  I couldn't believe I was actually going to get to go!   Now it's a week away, and I am still in utter shock!  My time waiting is almost done.  Soon I will be in Chicago.  What a sweet, sweet thought!  I know this has been a really, really long post (and I hope you didn't get too lost or confused), but I felt that it was important to share my journey so far with you.  I hope that you will be encouraged if you are waiting.  Know that God is faithful, and that His timing is perfect.  Trust me, there were times when I was frustrated, confused, upset, angry, etc., but God was constant and consistent.  Also, I learned so much that I wouldn't have learned any other way.  God shattered my dreams, my plans, and gave me His.  I do seem to remember praying for that now...  Anyways, know that you are not alone in your waiting.  God is still faithful, and he has good things in store.  We just have to be patient enough to wait and see.  I know that God is going to do amazing things in Chicago this summer, and I am so thankful that He's chosen to use me, and allow me to be apart of it.  Ask me at the end of the summer if the waiting was worth it!

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  Romans 8:25 (NIV)


P.S. - I would highly recommend keeping a prayer journal!  I quickly looked through my prayer journal from a few years ago, and I am kind of in awe right now...  God has answered so many of my prayers!  I felt compelled to share this...  An excerpt from my entry on October 19, 2009 says, "Lord, I really want to glorify you!  You gave me desires to work with inner city children for a reason Lord, and I know you will put me where I am supposed to be!"  If you didn't know, most of the project will be focused on working with inner city kids/youth!  What a great and mighty God I serve!  I am so thankful that I serve a living and active God!

Mercies in disguise...

First of all, I'm sorry for not posting in a while.  Life has been chaotic to say the least.  I finally finished this semester of school!!!!  Honestly, I'm relieved to be done with school for a few months.  This has been a difficult semester, and I feel like I can finally breathe again!  I can't believe I only have one more year left until I graduate college!!  Holy cow!  When did that happen?!  Anyways, today was no ordinary day.  It was rainy and in the 50's all day!  Um Texas, did you miss the memo?!  It's MAY!!!  Of course I sent all my warm clothes home a few days ago thinking, "I won't need them, it's May!"  I was wrong...  So on my way to work today I got in a car accident.  I got rear-ended and then someone rear-ended them (three car wreck).  I am so thankful though that none of us were really hurt and our cars weren't badly damaged!  I did get a massive headache afterwards, and my neck/back are very stiff/sore.  I am just thankful that nothing worse happened!!  God is so good!!  I am so thankful for His constant protection!!  Now onto Chicago, I am only five weeks away!!  Five weeks.  I am so excited, but at the same time I don't really feel prepared.  I don't think I will ever feel prepared, but I know that God will sustain me and give me the strength, courage, and wisdom I need.

As I look back on this semester, I see how faithful God has been.  He has sustained me, provided for me, been gracious beyond measure, and so much more.  It's so easy to get caught up in whatever difficulties/struggles we are going through, and to lose focus.  We lose sight of the big picture, and we don't see how God is working.  It's really amazing to look back, and to see just how much God worked.  God has taught me so much this semester!!  I think one of the most important things I will take away is God will provide.  He has met so many of my needs this semester.  Giving me the strength/stamina to complete all the projects I had.  Getting me through days when I had little/no sleep, and was over-loaded with caffeine.  Blessing me unexpectedly.  Placing people in my life at just the right time.  Giving me amazing opportunities.  Answering prayers.  I could go on and on.  I will also remember how gracious and merciful He's been this semester.  He's worked through different people, in so many ways.  Some were family/friends, and some were complete strangers.  It's also the little mercies that I remember the most.  God is just so good, and I wish I had the words to adequately communicate how He's moved, and how good He is.  I hope and pray that you will see more and more of God's grace and mercy.  I also pray that you will focus on Him during difficult times, and see how He is working.

"What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise" ("Blessings" by Laura Story)

When in doubt...

""Come," he said.  Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?""  Matthew 14:29-31 (NIV)

I realized that I'm just like Peter in this story.  How often do I take my eyes off of Jesus, and focus on all the things that surround me?  Why don't I trust that God will sustain me?  Why don't I have faith that God will meet my every need?  Why don't I have faith that He will see me through the storms?  Why don't I have faith that He alone can do the impossible?  I try to imagine this story, and I wonder how Peter felt to be walking on water.  It must've been amazing!  I wonder why he would worry about anything else.  He is doing the impossible because Jesus is right there with him!  However, he loses his focus.  He doubts.  I am just like Peter.  I doubt.  Why?  God makes the impossible possible.  Do I believe it?  Of course.  So why do I doubt?  I think doubt starts when we focus on the things that surround us.  Just like Peter began to sink when he saw the wind, I sink when I focus on everything that surrounds me.  I sink when I doubt that the Lord is faithful.  I sink when I doubt that He will provide. I sink when I take my focus off of Him.  This is easy to do.  There are so many things to distract me, and so many lies that surround me.  Many times I'm concerned with my timing, and not God's timing.  An amazing thing about this story is that Jesus is right there to save him, and He doesn't wait!  "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him."  I am thankful that the Lord reaches out His hand and catches me when I begin to sink. I am thankful that the Lord is faithful even when I doubt Him.  When I doubt His faithfulness, He shows me just how faithful He is!  Yesterday God really surprised me!  He showed me how faithful and gracious He is.  At first, I was speechless.  Then all I could say is, "WOW!, WOW!, WOW!"  I am still amazed.  Why did I ever doubt Him?  It's amazing how much God loves us.  I am just so thankful.  Thankful for God's love.  Thankful for His faithfulness.  Thankful for His provision.  Thankful for His grace.  Thankful for the generous hearts He gives people.  Thankful for the divine appointments He makes.  Thankful for His timing.

God, you are so good!  Thank you for your faithfulness, even when I'm not faithful.  Thank you for your provision, and meeting my every need.  Thank you for choosing to use me, even though I'm unworthy.  Thank you for showing me your love, and for never loving me any more or any less.  Please richly bless those that have so richly blessed me!  Thank you for opening hearts and doors, and making the impossible possible.  You are so faithful!

Give me your eyes...

Earlier I had a Ministry Leadership Council (MLC) meeting.  WOW!  I learned sooooo much tonight!  First, we were able to watch a short film called "Butterfly Circus", which was awesome!  It is actually being made into a feature film, and I will definitely have to see it when it comes out!  It's hard to explain the story briefly, without giving it all away.  It's basically a story about hope and new beginnings.  If you haven't seen it, you need to!  The film never mentions Jesus or anything about Christianity in it, but I could see Jesus shining through it!  I saw parallels to the new life Jesus offers, and how He can take the things that are broken, and make them into something beautiful!  After we watched the film, we discussed some questions that we had about it.  Tomorrow night at FOCUS (which is like a mid-week worship service) they will be showing this film, and we (MLCers) will be leading small group discussions afterwards!  I am really excited!!  I am still thinking about some of the questions that were discussed in the meeting, and applying them to my own life!  A quote from the film that really stands out is, "The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph."  For instance, if I were to attempt to run a marathon (keep in mind, I am NOT a runner), it would be a HUGE struggle to make it through!  However, when (if) I crossed the finish line, it would be an even BIGGER triumph!  Don't worry, I'm not attempting to run any marathons, but our lives are like that!  We struggle, and these struggles can be small struggles or big struggles, and while it's awesome to triumph over all our struggles, it's when we triumph over the big struggles, that the triumph is truly glorious.  I also really loved the message that brokenness can be turned into beauty.  Often times, we believe the lie that because we are broken, we are useless/worthless.  This is simply false!  We are worth so much that Jesus Christ died for us!  Now that is amazing!  I wonder what it would look like if we weren't afraid to show our brokenness to others, and to let God use it to create something beautiful.  Think about a butterfly.  A butterfly starts out as an egg, that hatches into a caterpillar (larva).  Personally, I think caterpillars are gross, and not very cute (unlike the caterpillar in The Very Hungry Caterpillar, can you tell I'm going to be a teacher?!).  Next, comes the chrysalis (pupa) stage.  During this stage the caterpillar is transforming inside its cocoon.  Cocoons aren't very pretty either, but in the cocoon, transformation is taking place.  This takes time.  Eventually, a butterfly will emerge from the cocoon.  It's actually kind of strange to think that what went into the cocoon was a caterpillar, and then what comes out is a butterfly.  God is creative!  We are just like caterpillars though.  We too are ugly, and gross.  We are sinners.  We are broken.  But God, in his amazing grace, can transform us!  Through Jesus, we have been given new life!  We are no longer caterpillars!  We are transformed into butterflies, which are beautiful!  Did you get it?!  Our brokenness is turned into beauty through Jesus Christ!  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"  2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

I also had a second meeting, which is for all the leaders of local ministries.  Tonight we were talking about Mark 8:22-26, where Jesus heals a blind man.  I love getting to hear other people's perspectives, and it's so neat to see God work through that!  The thing that really stood out to me was that Jesus doesn't completely heal him the first time.  Jesus spits on the man's eyes (I've always wondered about that), and then puts His hands on him, but the man's vision is blurry.  It's not clear.  Jesus then touches the man again, and this time his sight is restored.  Everything is clear.  I wonder a lot of things about this story.  Why did Jesus not completely restore his sight the first him?  How long was it between things being blurry, and his sight being completely restored?  What did the man think when Jesus didn't completely heal him the first time?  Was he excited to be able to see something (blurry or not)?  Was he thankful?  Was he disappointed in Jesus?  Did he doubt Jesus' power or willingness to heal him?  These are just a few questions...  What I learned from this story tonight was that God's timing is not the same as ours.  This was really more of a reminder (it's needed constantly!).  Also, God can fully heal us if He wants (the first time) or He can progressively heal us (like in this story).  I also realized that sometimes God gives us puzzle pieces without us even knowing what the picture is.  He may only give us a few pieces or He may give us all of the pieces.  It just depends on His timing!  Reminder to myself, TRUST GOD'S TIMING!!!  I know this is a really long post, and I hope it was coherent!  I pray that God will reveal His truth to you!  I am so thankful for nights like tonight.  I am thankful that God loves me enough to reveal Himself to me, and to give me new life!  I am thankful that He is the ultimate Healer, and that He is Beauty!  I pray that He will give me eyes to see the beauty in brokenness, and that I will trust Him when I can't see or when things are blurry!

"Give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see, everything that I keep missing, give me Your love for humanity, give me Your arms for the brokenhearted, the one's that are far beyond my reach, give me a heart for the ones forgotten, give me Your eyes so I can see!"  (Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath)